Leith Franklin Academicals Beige Cricket Club

The rain, they say, in Spain, they inform, falls mainly, and for the most-part, they explain, on the plain.

In Leith `however it normally falls just when things are getting interesting. And so it was when a new look Leith Beige 2’s took to the field against A sartorially superb Falkland. On a pitch that merely required to be used by the bowlers but rarely was this shiny 2’s outfit started well. After embarassing himself at 1st slip missing a ‘ballooner’ the big fellow seemed to travel inwards like an awkward primary school student on their first day at college, soon afterwards though, the large welcoming JCB like hands of Archiebald adolf Heinz-Haraldo Frenzen greyfox Linklater picked up a sharp catch low down at the same position - right overcoming wrong. The six and a half footer was converted from shy new start to gleeful smoker behind the bikesheds Whether the hands are working entirely separate from the body is something we might never know - until your narrator gets that lottery grant- but on this occassion all was well- 1st blood to Prasanth. Line and length was not term that could be applied to leiths attack this balmy afternoon but a perhaps, over cautious, Falkland failed to take great advantage and wickets started to fall without troubling the mathematical geniuses that had been employed, at great exspense, to score this mid table tussle. The pick off the bowlers would have to be parvan whose miserly 1-10 off nine over keep one end noiseless for the centre of the game. An increasingly enthusiastic Barry ‘Xerox’ lewis made a good return to the game gaining a wicket in his second over and indeed ‘the yips’ in his fifth - take a break Lewis. A mixed bag of deliveries resulted in two wickets for presanth Patel, one of three Patels available on the day, and new boy Anket whose protection of stomach also resulted in a quick take at silly mid off. Numbers 8 and nine (Capt and seasoned campaigner) were starting to build the only real partnership of the day. Running out of bowlers and ideas a reluctant McKean, encouraged by the ever ebullient wicketkeeper Imram Hammed, took to the crease himself and, worryingly as this will only encourage him, picked up two wickets in his first over then 11 runs in the second. But it was enough and, under threatening noisy skies,the last Falkland wicket fell soon afterwards. All out 114 after 40.2 overs - a target. Lunch was taken and the ‘rassle dassle’ of the Indian premier League largely ignored - it’s just lads in their pyjamas ‘having a go’. This second outfit being more traditional in their tastes. Then it was down to more serious matters and into our own monchrome protection systems and out to the crease.

First Up Archie ‘Bypass buspass Saul Robert highbrow lowbrow Robert Bertie’ Linklater who seemed at ease at the crease pouncing on a few early bad balls sending them twice over the newly bought costly looking rope - doubling the boundary tally for the whole day. Aided by the attractive straight bat of Parvan they took the total into the 20’s before Patel was caught out driving by a good diving catch at mid off made all the more difficult by a rapidly wettening outfield and ball. Brucey ‘Bruce’ Brucey Johnstone was up next and looking upwards was in half a mind to cancel the sumptious barbecue he had been preparing , at great exspense to local taxpayers and Corneilius Waugh, a feast laden with shrimp and fine wine and ales, an array of food so vast that Gods, Ancient Romans and Jonny Vegas might leave the table with’ a tear in their een’

It wasn’t long though before thunder lightening and increasingly consistent raindrops were to force both captians to agree to leave the arena of play and head back to the Garish decoration that once had been a clubhouse and was now scene of a romanesque orgy of food and drink - cries off ’shall I throw another couple of hundred dozen shrimp on the barbie’ resounding all around almost as loud as the accompanying thunder - one has to wonder were the gods angered by their lack of invite to this Dionysion odessey. In fact it is a good job that our dinner ladies including the ever delightful Evelyn and Ann are of ‘a certain age’ as surely if in their youth, with the wine flowing and the newly installed Bang and Olufsen rising, rousing and rumbling, our ‘recently refurbished’mood enhancement light system in ‘full effects’ they would soon be be swirling and dancing like dervishes and bereft of their tighter clothing and the upcoming Leith festival looming large in the background, out onto the links accompannied by Brucey on his ‘diggery do’ like some sort of exotic transvestite dance troupe with nothing more than pleasure and its derivatives on their minds. Then up past Easter Road stadium and it’s amateur efforts, clothes barely visible- mere minor rags of decency -their minds still embroiled in deep set pleasure handed down over the ages from druid to drone to druid to drone,then further, still further, on up to Bar Utopia for finallly, finnally, finally an actual ‘cold’ pint of Tennents and an over-priced selection ‘deluxe’ spirits.

Owing to the adult nature of this match report readers under the age of 28 are respectfully asked not to read any further.

Points mean prizes
3 points to Parvan for consistent bowling, style at the
crease and enthusiastic fielding
2 points to the team for good all round fielding
1 point to Linklater for steady batting
1 point to Mckean for cheesey wicket taking

Leith

Or embarrassingly poor performance from LFAB 3’s leaves captain aghast.

On a warm but overcast day, we approached this game with a fair degree of confidence. True we were missing John Watt but Golden Arm was back from Down Under. The captain won the toss (3 for 3) and decided to bat on what can only be described as a extremely poor wicket.

Pugh and Ingram opened and WR Tennents profits soared again as at 1.45 JI was back in the pavilion. Fraser joined Pugh but before the partnership got going, Pugh skied one and was caught. The captain and Fraser looked at one point capable of starting a comeback as Clacks were getting a bit edgy but a change of bowling undid the skipper.

Ade and Fraser batted fairly well until Lovett was bowled, Fraser, attempting to push the score on, lofted one to deep mid on and the tail produced its sorry yet familiar wag. 77 all out. The book says 80 but the new Mayor of London must have had his mind on the congestion charge whilst scoring.

After an excellent tea Clacks confidently took to the crease and this was not misplaced. Poor bowling apart from Fraser and Lovett and a couple of missed chances put paid to any Leith hopes. The last 2 overs were completed in a downpour and Clacks finished on 82 for 1.

The skipper has a lot to think about before next week’s trip to face RHC at the Gyle Oval.

Points FRASER 3, LOVETT 2, WATT jnr 1

Old Leith

Bob Mowat, Nathan Dicks, Grant Yorke, Paul Bilson, Bill Lothian, Stevie Mathers.
Kenny Dargo, George Kinnaird, Chris Sutherland, Graeme Fraser, Brian Fraser, Aaron Fraser and George Thornton.

Young Leith

Neil Caplan, Gav Fisher, John Ingram, Russell Callicott, Ben Wood,
Davie Higgins, Goutam Das, Stevie Middleton, Kenny Mulchahy, Tam Heinitz, Alan McEwan.

The young team aren’t that young…

Thanks for the photos G

START

Owing to the tight, tight, censorship laws imposed upon our website and the fact that our editor shares the second name of a notorious 70’s British serial killer, Mr Easton - Ellis is ‘reluctant’ to fashion a report on the 2’s league game against Heriots. However the subsequent ’slaughter of the innocents’ of eight innocent cricketing babes versus Morton did interest him highly - though I had to dissuade him - as that information should not really be released to the general public public. So as a result both are to be published late in 2009 in nursery rhyme format by either Madonna or Sarah Ferguson late wife of HRH Andrew known to many of you as simply The Duke of York.

However… moving along Points, mean prizes, and therefore Bilson 3 - plenty of runs again, and a passable wicket keeping performance against all the odds of poor diet and heavy drinking. John Watt 2 points for a fantastically clinical opening partnership. A completely studious opening stance looking at deliveries and their possible scoring opportunities like a man searching through his bank account details looking to make sure no unnecessary standing orders (To cricket clubs or otherwise) were leaving or arriving and therefore ensuring a safe solid base for those ‘close’. Add to this a blistering opening bowling spell (2 for one off three) and some may be wondering, indeed spluttering, just why he has been rewarded in binary rather than hat trick point format. The answer however is a lot more simple than the game of cricket itself. To use an old catchphrase “You have to be in it to win it” And, unfortunately an old ankle injury was to rear it’s ugly head and deny Mr J Watt the full three points of which he was surely on his way to. Though history has it’s close run things and as Auden informed us “It’s one thing to have a hand on the trophy - but quite another to actually lift it.” For the other side of that opening batting partnership, one certain Mr Archibald Adolf Robert Saul Linklater gains a point for an inspiring 24 runs and a hairstyle that many thought might be well out of control by this stage - yet because of a deliberate coitus between ‘relaxed stance’ and ‘old fashioned narcissim’ the hairstyle remains intact and it is you and I - the viewers that gain. Well done Linkey and well done John Pugh (Pugster) for steping into the injured Mr Watt’s shoes donning Watty’ss sweater (if not his industrious pace bowling) and manfully seeing out the remaining overs.

Other highlights ought to be mentioned but as candle comes close to base, and the feeling that maybe there are other things in life, all that remains for your narrator is to hand over the intimate details…

Leith 2’s won toss chose to bat
121 all out
Batting
P. Bilson 42, E. Methane 15, The Wall 0*
Bowling
Watt 2-1-3
Harper 1 - 10 - 9
Ben e ling 0 - 15 - 8

Dear all…
This may not be exactly right as don’t have score book, but I guess there are other things in life and my god, that candle is getting distinctly close to base.

END REPORT

Oh and yes we lost be three wickets

It was a relief to get a start to winning ways in 2008 on Saturday against a weakened Livingston side. We did however struggle initially in setting a total having lost the toss. From 21 for 3 we rallied to 189 for 9 thanks to patient innings from Andy (49) and Alex (46) and some late order hitting from Wahid (26) and Davie Higgins (14). No one else who batted deserves to be mentioned in the same breath as these players. Of their bowling, Wilson and Collings were both very hard to get away with 3 for 14 and 3 for 11 from 10 overs respectively.

A good tea (supplied by Embo) was followed by persistent effort from our bowlers with Wahid finishing with 3 for 22, Higgy 2 for 30 from 10 and Andy 2 for 31 from 10. Special fielding mention for Tariq and an excellent catch at long off to dismiss a hard hitting batsman who threatened briefly.

So to the points for this week (who keeps the tally?) and Andy gets 3 for allround efforts, Wahid 2 , again for allround effort and Alex for his runs and a stumping to end the match.

So onwards to Westquarter…